The Framework
Soften
→
Step Back
→
Stay Lit
1
Soften the Grip
Notice gripping behaviors:
- Double texting back to back
- Overexplaining, oversharing, overbooking
- Constant check ins to see if he is "still in"
Replace with:
- One clear response instead of ten
- Letting a conversation end naturally sometimes
- Not always being instantly available
2
Step Back, Do Not Disappear From Yourself
Giving time to miss you means:
- You stop filling every silence he creates
- You let him initiate sometimes
- You let him notice the difference when you are not the one holding all the weight
In practice:
- If he goes slower with texting, match his pace one step behind
- If he cancels, you do not instantly reschedule - you stay warm but busy
3
Stay Lit in Your Own Life
He cannot miss you if you turn your light off when he pulls away.
So you:
- Keep your routines, hobbies, friends and projects active
- Post, create, live your life without coding everything around him
- Shift questions from "What is he doing" to "What am I building"
4
Let His Effort Tell You the Truth
You are not waiting in a corner. You are watching his consistency.
If, when given space:
- He leans in, initiates, plans, asks about you
- He feels the difference and cares
If:
- He does nothing
- Or only returns when bored
- The space revealed reality
Your power move:
Believe what the space shows you.
Summary
Soften
Release the grip
Step Back
Create actual space
Stay Lit
Keep living fully
What happens when peace shows up?
The Self-Sabotage Quiz identifies your pattern - do you test, create chaos, freeze, or vanish when things get good?
Take the Self-Sabotage Quiz →